


I Did The Right Thing

by TheLostEmpath



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst, Beach Divorce (X-Men), Canon Disabled Character, Disability, Gen, M/M, Post Beach Divorce, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 21:30:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11655117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLostEmpath/pseuds/TheLostEmpath
Summary: Charles reflects to his decision to turn Erik down on the beach.





	I Did The Right Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my first work to be published in Ao3 and to be honest I am terrified! I've never published any of my fanfiction, so it will take a while to get used to the feeling of actually having something out there for other people to see.  
> Charles' and Erik's relationship in this could be seen as romantic or platonic, whichever suits you, though I did write it with the ship in mind.  
> The character are the property of their creators in Marvel Entertainment, I'm merely borrowing them!  
> Also, English is not my native language and I do not have a beta, so I'm sorry for all and any grammar mistakes there may be.  
> That said, please enjoy!

I did the right thing.

That's what I tell myself every time I start thinking about you. I tell myself that there was nothing else I could've done and all other choices would've led to ruin. I tell myself that while I just lay in my bed in a drug induced numbness, threading the moment when I start to feel the tingle spreading from my lower back and I have to stand up to get another portion. Was this really the best outcome? Did it not lead to my ruin, and yours, in a manner of speaking?

But I was so angry and confused, Erik. So confused. You shut me off. You shut me off and put a coin through my brain. Do you have any idea what that feels like? And then you came to me talking about how we had to protect each other. You put a bullet through my spine and you talk about protecting the mutant kind! Does that not include me, Erik? I was so confused, I couldn't see what you were thinking, I couldn't make any sense of your actions. I was so angry and I had no idea what to do, because you shut off the thing that I had come to think of as _safe_ and _home_. For all this time there had hardly been a time that I wasn't in your mind, not even reading your mind, just lingering at the edges of it, only picking up the constant hum of your thoughts and letting myself get lulled into the feeling of belonging. I know that you noticed me, but you never said anything after the beginning and you even gave me my own space, beside your thoughts, close enough to feel them but not close enough to hear. You did that and I was so happy, my mind had a place to wonder to, that I was actually allowed to go. You knew all this and you shut me off! I was lost and all I wanted was to go home, but I couldn't, because you rejected me. You left me alone and so I couldn't... When you asked me to come with you and told me that we wanted the same thing, I couldn't believe you. How I wanted to, oh god, I really wanted to, but I just... You hurt me. You ripped me off your mind, you used me and you put a bullet in my spine! I couldn't, but I still wanted to come with you, to believe you'd come around and we could have our own space again. It took all that I had to deny you, but how could I have done anything else?

So you walked away and I stayed behind. I'm still here, Erik! You might have walked away, but I'm still lying on that beach, bleeding out and crying for what I lost! You would be so disappointed in me. I'm useless now. I couldn't handle being broken, so I gave up my ability, but guess what, I'm still broken. Why did you do it, Erik? You know I'd give anything for you, but the lives you tried to take were not mine to give. I couldn't go down a path that would bring so many so much suffering, no matter how much I wanted to. You know what our abilities are capable of together, the world wouldn't stand a chance if we picked the wrong path. We couldn't achieve a peace that way, not when that peace is based on the superiority of one group. Erik, you of all people should know that is not the path anyone should ever take. I had to make that sacrifice so that humans could be free.

But right now, lying in my bed, useless, crying, I'm not sure if it was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> There you go! This was quite short and I'm toying with the idea of writing Erik's POV too, but I'll certainly make no promises.  
> If the pacing seems odd at times that is (along with my questionable writing skills) because I wanted to make it seem like more of a flow of thought rather than anything organised and thought through.  
> Leave a comment, if you have any questions or would like to point out something, about the tags (which I so do not have the hang of yet), the story, characterization or anything. Or, you know, just to say hi. Constructive criticism is always welcome!  
> Thank you very much for reading!


End file.
